... ><" ....

Okay, so... there are a couple people who know about the josh fiasco. I think most people have heard from me about how AMAZINGLY FUN the grammar formal was [please note the sarcasm], but there were all these things that came after that. And it they all suck. Majorly.

To break it down for you guys, and to keep this as a record of my own destructive qualities, here's how it went.

1) Went to grammar formal. knew nobody. nobody talked to me. josh talked to me very little.
2) Left about 45 mins early. told josh he should definitely stay on, but he ended up coming with me.
3) Told cabbie to go to Randwick
4) decided halfway through taxi ride [travelled in silence] that i very much needed some chocolate.
5) asked cabbie to go to randwick junction.
6) josh didn't offer to come
7) Josh was dropped at home.
8) I went to randwick junction, asked the cabbie to wait, bought chocolate, and went straight home.
9) Josh got pissed at me for an unknown reason. I worried. a LOT. [i later found out that wasn't just pissed off. he was angry. really fucking angry. but his anger was "perfectly well contained" or some shit, according to an sms i got from him.]
10) Eventually talked to him about it.
11) Josh felt "fucked over" by the fact that i went to buy chocolate after the formal, and that i apparently deemed going to randwick junction more important than "other things". [to which i responded by asking whether by 'other things' he meant 'staying at his formal and feeling like a total loser some more'].
12) was asked whether i had PLANNED to not talk to people and leave early from formal [cos those are obviously the kind of things you plan to do], and if i had PLANNED to feel loserly, i shouldn't have gone in the first place.
13) argued some more
14) i asked him what he wanted me to do, since i had been apologizing sincerely throughout the phone call and it didn't seem to be doing any good.
15) was told that i would need to "figure it out myself"
16) told him AGAIN that i was sorry, and that i had no fantastic powers with which i could rewind time and do it all again, and that all i could really do at this stage [or any stage, in fact]was apologize.
17) was informed that my apologies would be thought about and perhaps not accepted
18) the above comment was not taken well.
19) Josh emphasized his extreme anger some more. Other words were exchanged.
20) Boom. Friendship over. That's right. The end. Finito. Just like that.

And somewhere in the arguing part it was implied about three times that i am not a "decent person", and that what i did was completely mindless and inconsiderate, and that i didn't think at all about the implications of my actions, and that it was one of the most inconsiderate things that anyone has ever done to him. The whole ordeal was worse than what i make it sound like. parts of it in my summary sound almost comical. Trust me, they were NOT comical. I was pretty much in tears by the end of it. He actually made me feel like complete shit.

You may well be wondering why i care at all... well... I know i bag him out a lot, but god knows i pay out people i'm close to and still love them to pieces. Not that i love josh to pieces, but you catch my drift. I really liked him as a friend. Just nothing more.

I'm not sure how i stand on the whole thing just yet... At first i was pretty depressed about it, but now i'm kind of going through stages of being sad and being indignant and being angry. Cos i can see why he'd be mad at me, but what i still don't understand is why he got THIS mad. I mean, yeah, it probably was really inconsiderate and thoughtless of me, but a lot of the time i just do things without thinking about it first. All i thought was "It was a pretty crap night. Need chocolate", and going to buy chocolate seemed like a logical answer. Apparently not T.T

But... is it unreasonable of me to think that maybe HE'S being a little unreasonable? I understand that he's angry, but... i'm probably blocked or deleted on msn, and am de-friended on both facebook and in real life. I see it as a bit of an over reaction, but maybe i'm just missing something again. Argh, i don't know anymore!!! *pulls out hair* DX

Anyways, sorry for the rant, but the whole thing just happened really quickly and was kind of confusing. I'm going to try and forget about it all now, but it's a little difficult. I mean, I destroyed a friendship. How about that. Didn't know i had it in me ><