You Can't Miss What You Never Had...

... But you can miss what you did have, even if it was just for a little while.

I'm not much of a people person, so admittedly I didn't make friends with every student who went to Kongju on my program. But the friends I did make, I miss a lot. Maybe it's because I'd forgotten what it was actually like to gain new friendships. Having people there to chat with whenever, people to sit around with at night, people to go grab a [cheap, awesome, korean] meal with just randomly, people to have a drink with. I didn't think it was possible to become close with somebody during just a few weeks, but the fact that it was so hard to part with them proved that theory wrong. And I can't remember the last time I shed a tear with a goodbye. Maybe it's cos I'm older now and the implication of saying goodbye weighs heavier in my mind. Or maybe I'm just getting soft =.=

Either way, the trip to Korea, although short, was pretty inspiring. I've got some goals to work towards now, which is a refreshing change. First, I want to devote some time to actually learning some Korean, not just sitting around and thinking about how it would be nice to understand the language. Which leads to the second thing, which is going back to Kongju on another program, maybe for a few months, just to be immersed in the language and the culture. I think it'd be a really awesome experience. And thirdly, I want to study harder this year, so that maybe, MAYBE next year I can go on exchange to America for a semester. And so that maybe I'll be offered a place in honors.

But uh... to do most of those I need to get a job, so... as soon as I get my macbook up and running again I'll be printing off my resume and job hunting. My charger decided to break the day I got back from Korea when my battery was already pretty dead, so... I've been using my dad's laptop for the past few days =.= But on the job thing... I'm going for my RSA on Feb 18, so hopefully that'll open up some more job possibilities.

Oh and also in Korea, I realized that I CAN actually survive without eating junk food all the time >_> So now I'm in Sydney again I'll try not to go back to being such a fatty xD

So I guess... I want things to be different this year. Hopefully I'll be able to make it happen. Well, not hopefully. I'll make it happen when I make it happen :)

To Korea and Beyond [but not really]

But first... in regards to previous post... guess who I didn't see today? And this is why you don't rely on guys to do jackshit. Guess this is a sign that I should stop looking and let whatever happens happen. Que sera sera.

Anyways.. heading to Korea tomorrow. Off to see what I've been missing these past 19 years. Off to see the sights and experience the culture. Off to have my self esteem massacred by all the girls who wear size 6 clothes or smaller, have perfect skin, big [and perhaps artificially enhanced... hmm.. maybe no jealousy there then...] eyes and pretty hair >_<" Although at the same time I'm a little glad that I won't blend in... yay nonconformity. Ah well. I guess people can judge if they feel so inclined... I'll never see their sorry asses again anyways.


I'm excited for the snow! I can't wait to go skiing for a couple days... hopefully it'll tide me over until ski season rolls around again in Australia. Wahahahahahaha :D

Sooo I should go sleep now... have to wake up at 5.30 tomorrow... gah =.=

Much love <3

Things I'll Never Say

Please. If you could stay true to your word this one time, it'd make me happy. But I guess it won't come as a surprise if you don't. Still... I'd like it if you made an appearance.

But either way...

Gracias por los buenos tiempos. Te voy a extrañar.

...

-- Who do you have, really? Who do you turn to? Who's going to be there with you until the very end? Who honestly has your back? If even one person springs to mind, consider yourself blessed. 

-- As an outsider, judging is easy. Yet if someday, somehow you become everything you never wanted, can you ever take a step back from yourself and evaluate truthfully? For things that we would so regularly look upon with disdain in others, how often do we excuse ourselves for the same acts? Self-bias is a blinding thing... 

-- If forgiveness is divine, then why can it be so difficult to apologize?

-- A lie that makes you happy or the truth that hurts? Does the feeling that follows the uncovering of a lie ever fluctuate based upon the motive of the teller? Does the manner of delivery of the truth ever have an effect on the appreciation of honesty?

-- What are you supposed to do when silence fails to speak volumes after your words abandon you? Sit in silence, watch the world go by and hope that before it is too late, you understand what you wanted to say.  

-- Morning always comes again. Therefore, there's no use surrendering to shadows when there is something out there to bring you back to the light. There is always something out there to live for. You just have to find it. 

Happy Is What Happens, When All Your Dreams Come True..*

Wendywendy, Wendy, Vicky, Mingoog, Amanda, Angie and I saw Wicked at Capitol theatre last night. It was just as fantastic as I remembered. I'm not entirely sure how a musical can get me on such a high, but hey. Who needs drugs when you've got costumes, lights, an awesome plot complete with romance, drama and tragedy, a full pit orchestra, and depressingly talented, amazing vocalists, all rolled into one? No drugs for me, thank you. But seriously, as soon as the first notes of "No one mourns the Wicked" started, I was all but bouncing in my seat with excitement 8D  

I think that the second time you go is almost better than the first time, in the sense that when the songs you know and love start playing, you're all like "OH MY GOD IT'S THAT SONG IT'S THAT SONG", and you want to reach over and tap the person next to you and tell them that it's "that song", and inform them how much you love it. I tried really, really hard to suppress my ridiculous excitement, and I think I did pretty well. But I couldn't help but poke Vicky once in the middle of Defying Gravity; it's one of my absolute favorites xD Not to mention that I fell in love with Amanda Harrison and her voice when we were in Melbourne. 

And of course, there was the kid sitting behind me, who kept making incredulous noises when Amanda and Rob kissed onstage... like the kid in the cinema when we went to see Twilight, only this kid didn't scream "IT'S PORN" at even the smallest whiff of romance. And the man who kept making these statements as though he was the most intelligent being in the world, just because he picked up on the Wizard of Oz references. Yeah dude, you're a genius. 

Oh, and we finally got our green drinks. Sweet victory. 

I'll definitely go see it again. Maybe... a couple matinees, cos apparently the standby cast sometimes do matinees, and I'd like to see them for variety and comparison... and a couple more shows at night ^^ There go my paychecks, but whatever. This production of Wicked is not gonna be around forever. Ways of making money however, are. Fair trade, methinks. 

Much love. 

La vida esta bien.

It only takes...

One experience to make or break you.
One smile to brighten a day.
One conversation to make you feel wanted.
One hug to make you feel loved.
One person to make a difference

:)

Yeah... I've had another epiphany. For some reason, the word 'epiphany' always reminds me of Ordell... I think it was because she stumbled into English one day, announced "Girls, I've had an epiphany", and then proceeded to talk about nothing in particular. Anyway. I was thinking today [yes, thinking], and I realized that I complain a lot about being alone/being lonely/woe is me/disgusting self-pitying bullshit. But then I also realized that it'd be much, much, much worse if I literally didn't have a single person to send messages to, get messages from, talk to, call up, meet with, say hi to, go to cruises with [<3] or sit in lectures with. So I think I'll stop complaining about that now. 

For those of you who are frequently surrounded by people, don't take it for granted, 'kay? Cos.. I dunno. I mean today, the things that made me happiest were seeing Vicky at Wentworth, walking down Eastern Ave with Harry Potter guy and having him smile at me and say 'bye' when we went seperate ways, and being there with Kuan for Chris on his graduation day/night and feeling like he was genuinely glad that we turned up. It might seem realllly sad to some people, but... oh well ^^ That's me :)

So basically, thanks for all the small things as well as the big things:) That's what that all comes down to without me getting all soppy and gross.

Much love.

Ranting Condensed.

Instead of ranting, I thought I'd condense the things I have to rant about into a few simple dot points. I'm in more of a dot-pointy mood. 

1) I've been single for too long. It sucks. Surely I can't be that much worse than Aroni T_T

2) I ate my body weight in food yesterday. Not a good idea. Felt fat and gross, but kept eating anyways==  Still not entirely sure why I did it.

3) I do not have enough hours in my life to do all my uni work. I'd have to give up something else, like say... sleeping >_>

4) It'd be nice to have somebody. 

5) Arts can be a lonely degree sometimes. 

6) Almond and Cherry sour cocktails are yummm :9   *craves*

That's it. Short and sweet ^^ I should go to sleep now... work tomorrow. *shudder*.  At least I don't have to work with my boss :)   

Much love.