Help Me Unravel My Latest Mistake.

So apparently I am incapable of regular, human interaction. I need a rule book. I need guidance.

For example.

Lesson 1. When a well dressed, attractive guy with an amazing smile and not a single trace of a fob accent taps you on the shoulder and uses your guitar as a cute means of a conversation starter/pick up line, you DO NOT:
A) Stand there like a zombie fail to initiate any engaging dialogue.
B) Walk away when the conversation is over, even though he would obviously like to talk some more.
C) Fail to get his number or give him yours.

And even if you do manage to strike out on all of the above, you DO NOT go home afterwards and mourn the lost opportunity like a loser.

I hate me =.=''

Ain't Nobody Gonna Tell Us To Go, Cos This Is Our Show.

It's about fucking time. The day has come where HPguy doesn't make me happy. He doesn't make me happy, he doesn't make me sad.. he doesn't make me feel anything at all. Nothing. Thank fucking god. Bye, HPguy. After all of that, nothing happened and it really wasn't worth it, but... he's still something kinda special as far as guys go. Whoever he eventually ends up with once he stops being emotionally stunted i.e. borderline asexual is going to be pretty lucky, but it's not going to be me, and that honestly doesn't bother me even a little. It took so long to get to this point, but I guess the more you care about someone and the longer you liked them, the more time it takes to leave all of it behind.

Given certain recent, disgusting, Irish happenings in combination with the 100% non-success/disaster rate of my attempts at having some sort of relationship or even securing a date, I am currently of the opinion that I will never sleep with or give two shits about anyone of the male variety ever, ever again. But I can live with that. The important thing is that for the moment, for the first time in a while, everything's sweet.

I Can't Keep Up, And I Can't Back Down.

At the end of the day, I guess I'd rather pretend that everything's fine and die a little inside every time he does something nice for me. What else is there to do? And it's better than nothing, really. I can live with that.

Forgetting All I'm Lacking, Completely Incomplete...

Don't show up unexpectedly when I'm trying to avoid you.

Don't hang around and make conversation like you give a shit.

Don't come and stand right next to me when there are a dozen other people you could be talking to.

Don't even tentatively agree to do another duet.

Don't wait for me to get out of a motherfucking society meeting so that we can be on the same bus for 3 minutes.

Don't. It's ridiculous, pathetic, and I despise feeling like I have no defenses. Just don't.

It makes it so fucking difficult.

It Starts Out Easy, Something Simple, Something Sleazy.

''...something inching past the edge of reserve".

Dear questioningly existent overlord, I cannot do this again. This semester has to be different. Has to be. As in, I may actually implode upon myself if I have to go through everything one more time. I mean, today went well, so let it stay that way. I've got enough shit to be getting on with in life. He technically has no reason to be of any importance to me, so for the love of god, let me leave him behind.

You Make Me Wanna Die.

I just got really annoyed by reading people's comments on YouTube videos xD Naivety really does fuel stigma to a ridiculous extent. If people just opened their goddamn eyes, and quit being such narrow minded, self absorbed jackasses, there would be less problems in the world.

So to all the whiners out there, both in real life and online. To all the people who are so sexually unaware and un-accepting that they may as well go around wearing t-shirts that say "I'm going to be celibate for eternity", to all the racists, the homophobes, sexists, superficial dipshits, ageists, religious extremists... not everyone is like you. That doesn't mean that anybody is right or wrong. What it means is that there is more than one way to perceive an issue, idea or situation. I mean, I accept the fact that such idiots actually exist and have a right to exist in society, even if I don't necessarily agree with it. So grow the fuck up, be a human being, learn to accept differences and be opinionated without shoving your beliefs in anyone's face, and stop being disrespectful. It takes all kinds to make a world.

Is It Too Much That I Asked You For?

Bottom line: If they're not trying to contact you, don't wait around. If they're not asking you to do things, don't live in hope. If they don't give as much of a shit about you as you do for them, walk away. They might be an awesome person, but... it's not worth it. It's not worth it at all.

I think I'm over the hill. Or at least, I care significantly less than I did a week ago. It's a little fucked up that the road to self preservation when it comes to these things is not caring, but hey, I'm not really complaining. And even though I had no alternatives and nowhere else to turn, I feel as though I wasted way too much of my time, effort and life on this utterly hopeless case. It was never going to happen. Ever. I was just a blind moron who remained pathetically optimistic for an extended period of time. And I guess that guys can have that effect, but never again. I am determined to never let it get that far ever, ever again. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.